I recently shared this topic about forgiveness on my YouTube channel. It took me years to forgive and forget a particular offense that happened to me. Every time, I remembered the offense, it would bring me back to the day it happened and I knew that wasn’t good for my mental or emotional well-being. So I can began a journey of complete healing. In his book Deadly Emotions, Don Colbert says, ” Nobody who intentionally harms another person truly deserves forgiveness from the person he has hurt. Even so, its far better to forgive and to live in the resulting emotional freedom and health than to suffer the consequences of failing to forgive.”
Some of my inner circle had deeper questions on the issue of forgiveness and although I didn’t have all their answers here is how I tackled some of their questions
I am able to forgive but can you actually forget an offence and isn’t it useful to remember the lessons?
It’s useful to learn lessons but to intentionally remember the pain caused can be hazardous to your health and well- being.
One way to forget the pain caused by an offence is by training your subconscious mind to think on things that are good for your soul. It really is a choice and because you have power over your mind you can choose not to keep going over until it is far in your memory.
Sometimes the reason we keep offenses close to our heart is because we keep repeating them over and over again. Joyce Mercers says it like picking on a scab. The scab will never heal, will it?
You have to affirm yourself daily to think on good things about you. You can train yourself to speak well about yourself and if the offence does come back to your memory, you can reprogram your mind back to good thoughts.
There is also a place for counselling and therapy that is really helpful in dealing with emotional pain.
What steps can you take to forgive and forget completely?
You can learn to develop gratitude; that is the ability to thank God for every experience you encounter and to realise that every experience in life can make you bitter or better.
Another way to forgive and forget is to know that we are all flawed and maybe one day we may need forgiveness from someone. You just never know. As a believer you want to release unforgiveness so that your prayers are answered.
God has given us a memory so how can I forget?
God has given us a memory but also he has also given us choice and free will and he also encourages us to think about the things that are good for us. He doesn’t want us to hold on to unforgiveness because he knows it will not set us free. I know people that have not been able to forgive or forget offences that happened in childhood. The pain lingers on in adulthood and can be fatal for their emotional and mental wellbeing. I really empathize. I know its a difficult journey but its doable. There are testimonies of forgiveness of the worst crimes like murder.
Wont I be a pushover, if I am a forgiving person?
No because hopefully you will learn lessons and make sure the indecent does not happen again by creating boundaries especially to toxic people. Remember you don’t forgive for other people, you forgive for your own peace of mind.
Does forgiveness mean reconciliation?
No it doesnt, especially if the offender is not sorry. Reconciliation is a process and built on restored trust which in itself is a journey.
Also, Don Colbert says ”Forgivessness does not mean letting a person off the hook so that no justice is required. A forgiving person can still require a person to appear in court or face legal penalties for a crime committed against him.”
Finally as believers, we need to operate from a place of love; we cannot afford to keep records of wrong doing. We should love everybody even our enemies and pray for those who hurt us.
So that’s my view on forgiveness. Thank you for stopping by.
I would love to hear your thoughts on forgiveness.
If you have forgiven what steps did you take?